Zodiac Signs at the Gym

Nothing explains your ambition better than what you call a warm-up.

Aries

Challenges the personal trainer to a push-up contest. Red-faced, aggressive, thriving. Leaves before cooldown. Returns an hour later for round two.

Taurus

Refuses to sweat in public. Spends 30 minutes on the massage chair and then buys a protein smoothie for the vibes. Still somehow toned.

Gemini

Talks more than lifts. Has opinions about your form. Left their water bottle, their towel, and possibly their dignity in three different areas.

Cancer

Does low-impact cardio with a playlist of emotional ballads. Cries during a stretch and calls it “releasing tension.” Probably brought snacks.

Leo

Full face of makeup. Matching set. Taking up space and inspiring strangers. Secretly hopes to be discovered mid-deadlift.

Virgo

Has a printed routine. Times rest periods. Cleans every machine after use. Will judge your form silently—and help you if you ask correctly.

Libra

Does Pilates for aesthetics, not performance. Chooses gym based on lighting and towel softness. Posts one mirror selfie and goes home.

Scorpio

Noise-canceling headphones. Hoodie up. Nobody knows what they're training for, but it's probably revenge. Never skips leg day—or eye contact.

Sagittarius

Tries a new workout every week. Forgets what they came for. Joins a group class mid-session and somehow makes it work.

Capricorn

Arrives at 5:58 a.m. Has a strict plan, immaculate gear, and a lifelong vendetta against skipping workouts. Probably owns a gym spreadsheet.

Aquarius

Built their own workout plan from Reddit and chaos. Doing inverted kettlebell jumps for “personal reasons.” Refuses to explain.

Pisces

Walks on the treadmill while daydreaming. Forgets which locker is theirs. Once joined a water aerobics class by accident and loved it.